My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
