Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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