Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

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(607): View more from New York

: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

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(925): View more from California

I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone

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(613): View more from Ontario

I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.

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