How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
