Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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