I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
