I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
high people should be assigned attendants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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