I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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