idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
