I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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