she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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