As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
