Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
