I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
