wat bout pragnant strippers??
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
