Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
