Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
