oh god the rape fog is back!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
