Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
