So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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