Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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