he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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