If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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