The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
