My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
