Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
