Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
