she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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