he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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