Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
