Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
