So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
