if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
