i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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