Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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