Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
