sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
