Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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