Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
