The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
