First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
