Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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