The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
