Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
