i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk is not a location!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
