please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
