Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
why is half of my head shaved?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
