I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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