There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
