At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
