I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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